Many, many clients come to me with
a complaint of being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by work, overwhelmed
by family responsibilities, overwhelmed by the state of a world
presented by our media. How do we find peace in the midst of
our personal chaos?
What I have found that works with many clients
is to acknowledge what is truly going on in their lives,
to clarify what is within
their control to shift, and to accept what is not within
their control. It is a process of applying filters to what
we are being
informed of in our daily lives, to lighten our loads and
acknowledge our personal reality.
FILTER 1
SELECTIVE ATTENTION: WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE
We carry
with us information thrown at us by media (books, TV, films,
the web...), co-workers, friends, family,
even people
in supermarkets. We are truly in the information age:
an age where we are bombarded by information from the
market and the
media, and from other people who are sharing what they
have heard with us in an effort to lighten their own
information burden
by sharing.
Mary is 48 and works for a High
Tech company. She is overwhelmed by what is going on not
only in her position
in marketing,
but by what is happening in a company and industry
continually on
the brink of change. She used to love the pace, but
now with two teenaged sons at home, a father in his
80's
in the next
township, and a husband struggling to keep his graphics
company competitive,
she is being pulled by too many forces. My work with
Mary started by having her focus on the responsibilities
of
her position
and the information needs specific to the position.
That is, what
was really going on in her work life, not what was
happening to a co-worker, consultant, in the executive
office and
not what the press was saying about the economy’s
effect on consumers. What was truly important to
her job were specifics like how consumer
focus groups were reacting to features of her company’s
product, and maintaining the budget necessary to
run her organization.
To start, Mary became vigilant
at recognizing when
she was feeling stressed, and isolating the main
culprits of the
stress. When
recognizing an increase in stress at work, she refers
to a list of questions on her desk, the first being: "Does
this affect my fulfilling the responsibilities of
my job?" She clearly
and deliberately focuses on only the 'yes' answers
to this question, letting go of the 'no's'.
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FILTER
2
DOES SOMETHING NEED TO BE DONE?
The second question on Mary's
list is: "Does something need
to be done about this?" If the answer is
'no', Mary acknowledges the new information,
lets go
of it and moves on. If the answer
is 'yes' then Mary proceeds to the next question.
FILTER 3
IS IT WITHIN MY CONTROL? CAN I SHIFT THE SITUATION?
"Is it in my control?" If the answer is yes, Mary
includes this among her responsibilities and her plans for
action. If the answer is 'no' she determines
who does have control and passes the information to them.
This sometimes means delegating work, and other times, passing
the buck.
LETTING GO
In dealing with the personal areas of her life
Mary uses variants of the same questions, as well as information
control tactics:
Questions:
- Does this affect my life and my responsibilities? If
so, how?
- Does something need to be done about this?
- Is it my personal
responsibility or other's (husband's, son's, father's,
community's)?
- What do I need to do, and can I do it alone, or do I need
to include others, or ask for support?
At each step of her process
at work, and at home, Mary not only gives herself permission
to let
go of stressors
over
which she
has no control,
she consciously
empowers herself to dis-own things which are
not hers. For every one of us, the process of consciously
recognizing
what
is truly
a part
of our
life and
under
our control gives us more energy to focus on
and
take care of our true responsibilities.
Tactics:
- Take a Media Diet and limit media exposure:
Choose a single source for news, TV,
radio, print, or
web and
limit the
amount of time
you spend
with it daily.
For some, a half hour in the morning
when they are emotionally strong; for others it's commute
time,
and others it's
evenings. Find the
time of day
and amount
that is non-intrusive in your life.
Remember,
you will not miss anything! Major news
will find you
and will
be repeated
(and
repeated....)
- If people want to discuss
things that have no direct impact on you personally,
and you
find
these disturbing
and would
prefer not to
discuss with this
person (at this time), change the
subject to something you both can do something
about, and refer the person to someone
else to discuss their concerns
with.
- If you find something that does
not directly affect your life truly troubling,
discuss
it with an appropriate
friend,
family
member or
counselor.
We all have
the power to LET GO of many stressors in our lives. Remember
the words of the 'Serenity Prayer': "God grant me the
serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to
change the things I can; and wisdom to know
the difference."
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