Often, early on in my work with
personal transition clients they share with me a desire to
increase
their self-esteem. Whether male or female, 30 or 50, in low
level or
executive position this same issue arises. I have spent much
time considering whether this is widespread or is an affect
of the work I do with clients. I have come to the conclusion
that
the answer is yes and yes.
First, let's clarify what we mean
by self-esteem. As human beings we gain meaning by discriminating
things and people from their
neighbors. It is the differences that add meaning to our identification
of items in our world. The variables in this discrimination
span things like big, small, short, tall, red, and orange,
to value
judgments of good and bad. We turn these value judgments not
only outward towards others, but inward towards ourselves.
To esteem is to place a value of worth on something. To self-esteem
is to place a value of worth and worthiness on oneself.
A STRUGGLE
AGAINST THE LACK OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT IN OUR CULTURE
Let's look
at this judgment process. I said that I believe that low
self-esteem is widespread in our culture. The 'Okay,
but
what have you done for me today?' attitude that we see
in our workplaces and in our culture in general is one of the
main
causes of this epidemic. I have worked with many high achievers
with
low self-esteem. They have a history of not being recognized
for their achievements. No sooner is a goal achieved than
they are redirected at a new and different goal. There
is
no acknowledgment
and celebration of achievements.
Consistent acknowledgment
of our accomplishments, past and current, counters feelings
of low self-esteem. Finding
ways
to recognize
the achievements in our lives counters low self-esteem.
Some exercises to do this are suggested below.
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WHEN VALUES
SHIFT IN OUR LIVES
When things are working in our lives,
when the job or business are doing well and are fulfilling,
when personal relationships
are bringing support and love into our lives, most of
us feel good about ourselves. When things are not working,
or our needs
are no longer fulfilled, our self-esteem may take a nosedive.
For many people, what they value in themselves and the
world shifts during mid-life. This is a part of the natural
and
healthy process of adult development at mid-life and
its accompanying
transitions. We may consciously acknowledge accomplishments
and skills we prized in alignment with our values pre
shift. Post
shift these are not in alignment with our new values,
and we are at a loss for an identity with associated skills
and successes
that supports the new value system. These skills and
successes
are there, but may take some soul searching and self-examination
to identify and re-anchor our new identities in. We need
to recognize a different set of experiences and skills
aligned with the new
identity to build our confidence and our self-esteem.
Acknowledging skills and achievements builds confidence.
Self-awareness
about confidence builds self-esteem.
SUGGESTED EXERCISES
I. Five Wins: List five accomplishments
in any area of your life that give you a positive rush ("Wow,
that was great!")
II. Things I like about myself: List
ten things you really like about yourself. These may include
skills,
talents,
personal gifts (for example: organizational
skills, dexterity, honesty, compassion, etc.) This is not a time
for false modesty!
III. What others have valued:
List the top five things that others (bosses, colleagues,
family and friends)
have valued about you.
Review what you have
written and ask yourself what your responses have to say
about your
values? Go
back to each exercise for five consecutive
days
and add
one item to each list every day. Review the list. Start a
weekly practice of writing about what you are proud
about from the past week.
RECOGNIZE YOUR
GIFTS, SKILLS & STRENGTHS! ACKNOWLEDGE THEM!!!! top
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